I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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