its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
