Me too!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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