My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
