that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
