ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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