Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everclear isn't food dammit
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