This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
