ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize