That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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