my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
