imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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