I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
