We won't sleep together?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
