i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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