Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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