You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
