You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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