Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
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girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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