ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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