The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
