i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize