He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
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omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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