i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
