Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
