Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
