i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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