I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
