Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
