If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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