I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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