i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
