i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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