I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
