Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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