new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is this like a preordered booty call?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
