first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
