somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
