Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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