What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
