You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize