I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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