hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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