I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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