This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
