just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
