A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
