Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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