OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize