u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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