If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Houston, we have a blender
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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