I'm passing your future prison.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize