The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
