He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
