I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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