He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
