mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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