We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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