My nipple is on Facebook.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
