I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
