Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he puts the penis in happiness.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
