got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
