Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
