guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
tell me about the eggs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
