In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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