Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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