He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
